My boyfriend comes from a conservative household. They hold many views on things that I oppose and vice versa. I try and brush it off, but I can't help but think that maybe one day this could be a problem. Wesley and I have talked about what would happen if I ever unintentionally got pregnant before we were married. Regardless of what Wesley thinks, I am usually pretty good with taking my birth control pill. I never miss any pills, and I take them around the same time every night. I say "around" because it may not be exactly 9 pm (my set time), but rather 9:30 or 10 instead. From what I have read, that is close enough to the set time not to matter. Therefore, my chance of getting pregnant is pretty slim. Still, however, there is a chance. Like I said, we have talked about what we would do if I ever got sperminated before we were ready.

Wesley said that we would get married before the baby was born because he doesn't want a "bastard" child. Maybe it's because I was never raised in a religious home, and I am a "bastard" child myself, but I don't see the big deal with children being born out of wedlock. It happens every day. Bastard children are no different than a child born to a couple who are already married. He says it might look bad, but in my opinion, getting married just because you're pregnant looks bad. When I get married, I want everyone around me to know it's because I am so deep in love. I don't want them to think that I'm only getting married because I have a baby in the oven.

Another reason I'd rather not get married right away if pregnancy would occur is because I want to spend the entire pregnancy getting things ready for the baby. That would be my main concern and priority. I don't want to stress over planning a wedding. I also don't want my wedding to be rushed and be anything less than what I want. I also wouldn't want to rush and do everything at once. If you get married and have a baby all in the course of nine months, then what do you have to look forward to?

It's not guaranteed that an unplanned pregnancy will happen to me, but I always have those "what if's." This is just something that has been in the back of my mind, and I wanted to get my feelings out about it.

Right now I am living with my mom. We don't live in the best neighborhood (people getting robbed, killed, etc.), but our apartment is decent, and we've lived here for 11 years. Now all of a sudden my mom wants to move into a cramped little single wide trailer. I'm far from keen on the idea. We have too much stuff, for one thing. My mom has already put advertisements up to sell her bedroom suit and the big screen TV in the living room. She called me last night to tell me that when she sells this stuff, she's taking my bedroom suit and my TV. Wtf is that!?! I'm still outraged. I want to get the hell out of here. I'm sick of her bull shit. My dad said I can live with him. I'm considering it, but there's no room for my stuff there either, and it would cost me a lot more in gas to get to work. I really wanted to get an apartment with Wesley, if we can afford one. Everything seemed good, like he was ready to do it. Now his attitude has completely changed and he doesn't think us living together is the right thing. I am just seriously annoyed and pissed off. Don't let me get my hopes up and then pull this shit. I really think us living together would make me happy. Sure the bills would be stressful, but I'm just as stressed living here with my mom. I just want to become more independent, and I think us moving in would provide that. Unfortunately, he thinks it will do the opposite. Life really sucks sometimes.

I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day. If you didn't, I am sorry. Wesley and I had a great time together. Unfortunately, it only lasted two hours. I spent the rest of the day behind a computer screen at work, which was incredibly boring. I didn't take a picture of what I got Wesley, but I got him red silk boxer shorts with B♥W (our initials, and yes, the heart included) embroidered on them. He said he liked his gift, so I am really glad. He even tried them on for me, hehe. Now on to what he got me…

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