As if messing up my car wasn't enough, my mom always finds a way to put me in a real shitty mood. I came home from my dad's house because she was supposed to dye my hair. I'm planning to dye it blonde, but well, that never happened. She wasn't home when I got here, but I got a call from her. She said she sold the TV in the living room (as if I couldn't tell) and that tomorrow she is taking my TV and putting it in the living room. I was just so furious. After getting off the phone with her I just started screaming bloody murder and cussing like a sailor. I was so close to destroying stuff, but I managed to calm myself down enough not to. She keeps saying she never gave me the TV in my bedroom, but a few years ago she bought a new one for the living room and put the old one in my bedroom. I don't know about you, but I consider that to be giving it to me. I know I didn't pay for the TV, but I think what my mom is doing is wrong. She is the one that sold the living room TV so she could downsize to a smaller one. So why not take that money and go buy one then? Instead, she's taking mine like the selfish fucking bitch she is. You all can give me hell for talking about my mom like this, but honestly, she's not much of a mom. She may have provided for me for years, but there is a lot more to parenting than that, and that is where she fails.

When she was pregnant with me, she smoked cigarettes, smoked marijuana, and got drunk every night. When I was around three years old, she went to jail for about a year. My Grandma and Great Grandma took care of me. I'm sorry, but if you care about your child enough, you don't do stupid shit that might land you in prison. (Not sure exactly what she did). She has always gone in my room and thrown away things of mine without my permission. What fucking right does she have? I don't care if it's her house or not, those are MY things. I also have vivid images in my head of her dragging me on the ground by my hair, throwing things at me, kicking me while I lay on the floor crying, and whipping me with a belt. Far beyond a smack on the butt. A good mother should help build up your self esteem and always be there to talk to when you need support. My mother has done nothing but tear me down by calling me immature and saying I don't know how to do anything. Maybe I'd know how to do a little more if she would have taught me. Any time I go to her to talk, she either simply ignores me, or raises her tone at me for some reason. I specifically remember when I was bullied in middle school. All I wanted was her love and support through that hard time. What I got was "You need to deal with it." However, regardless of all that, I still have a love for her and I feel like I need her. I just feel very confused.

Since she's planning to move soon, I don't think I'm going to go with her. She brings out the worst in me, and I can't take it anymore. Wesley is going to bring some boxes over this weekend so I can begin to pack some of my things. I have decided to move to my dad's. It's just really hard because there will be a lot of things I have to give up. I have to leave Chloe (my cat) behind, my bed that I love so much, my work only being five minutes away (it will be 30 minutes away at my dad's), and Photoshop. I think Photoshop will be the hardest to give up. If you're wondering why I'll probably have to give it up, it's because it will not work on the Vista installed computer at my dad's. I've tried already. I can take this computer with me, but there's absolutely nowhere to hook it up. I'll try to snag a newer version of Photoshop, if possible. That might work. There isn't really any room at my dad's for my stuff, but I'm determined to find a place. I can't live with my mom any longer. Especially since I pay her rent and she still pulls the "it's my house" deal. I feel like she's only keeping me around for the money I pay her. This whole situation is just difficult, but I can't wait to see her face when she finds out I'm serious about moving out.

Amanda posted the idea on her blog, that fellow Spice Girls fans should post a tribute to them on their blog, so here I am.

Born in '88, I was just a teeny little thing and missed out on the 80's. However, I was a kid who grew up in the great decade that was the 90's. There are many great things I miss and remember about it. The Spice Girls is one of the main things. Back then, I had just started getting into music. I remember a relative telling me about the Spice Girls, and making me listen to their music. I instantly fell in love. The songs were so upbeat and catchy. I made my mom buy me their tapes. I remember walking out of that music store being the happiest girl in the world.

Lots of girl bands followed the Spice Girls, but none of them were ever as good. They were plain, regular, and boring. The Spice Girls just had this energy about them that no other music groups have ever had. Even as a group, they were all individuals. They had their distinct voices, characteristics, style, and attitude. You had Scary with her big hair and animal print, Sporty with her athletic style and pony tail, Baby with her pigtails and lollipops, Posh with her sophisticated attitude and expensive taste, and Ginger with her red hair and blonde bangs. I remember when I was in 5th grade and I decided to do something similar to Ginger with my hair. I had blonde hair, but instead of dying my hair red and leaving my bangs blonde, I decided to do the opposite of her. There I was walking into school with blonde hair and red bangs. Looking back, it was probably one of the most hideous hairstyles I have ever had, but it's funny to look back on.

My favorite out of the group, even though I loved them all, was Emma aka Baby Spice. I had blonde hair like her, and I had the more cutesy attitude as well. When my friends and I would act like the Spice Girls while singing and dancing to their songs, I would always be Baby. I remember when the Spice Girls microphone came out. There was nothing special about it. It was just a fake mic with a stand that said "Spice Girls" on it. One of my friends and I both bought it because at the time we thought it was super cool. We would stick in my tapes of the girls in concert and would sing and dance along with them as if we were actually them. Ah, the good old days.

I remember hearing the news that Geri was leaving the group. I was devastated. The other four went on without her, but it wasn't the same at all. They didn't seem like the same group with the same energy. I stopped listening to their new music after she left. The Spice Girls were fading away. I still think about this great group a lot. Every once in a while, I even break out their music and start listening to it while singing along.

After reading Sarai's latest post, I got the urge to dig through some old photo albums. I love the feeling I get when looking at all the old photos. Sometimes I even tear up. This time, however, I kept smiling and laughing. I put some of them on my computer and have decided to share some on here. (Read the rest of this entry)