I cried myself to sleep last night. I haven't felt this depressed in years, and it's killing me. I wish things didn't have to be so difficult. I know I said I was moving to my dad's, and I think I'm going to, but I'm so confused and upset about it all. I have lived here for 11 years, and I don't want to leave this house and give up my bedroom. I can't bear the thought of being at my dad's and knowing that my bedroom here doesn't exist anymore. It's just very upsetting for me.

There are a lot of sacrifices to be made if I move to my dad's. I'm sure I've mentioned some already, but here is the whole list.

▪ Giving up my bedroom. I love my bedroom here. It's the perfect size, and it just feels at home to me.

▪ Giving up my cat, Chloe. My dad doesn't like animals in the house. He let's one of his outside cats come in, but he doesn't stay in. Meaning he doesn't have to worry about a litterbox. If I could take Chloe with me, I would take care of buying the food, cleaning the litterbox, etc., but that doesn't seem to matter to him.

▪ Giving up my bed. I love my bed here. It's full-size, very comfortable (in my opinion), and it was once my Great Grandmothers. I've been sleeping in this bed since I can remember. I guess you can say I'm kind of attached to it, as weird as that sounds. Also, just a few months ago, I bought a new bed set for it. What am I going to do with the sheets and comforter if I leave? It certainly won't fit on my twin size bed at my dad's. I can't take the bed with me, because my room at my dad's is small and won't fit anything larger than a twin bed.

▪ I'll have to get rid of a lot of stuff because there just won't be anywhere at my dad's to put it.

▪ Having to drive 30 minutes to and from work each day (as opposed to the 5 that I drive now). I will be spending a lot more money in gas, especially with the gas prices these days.

▪ Having to use a toilet that rarely flushes. Yes, you read that correctly. The toilet at my dad's never flushes if someone gets a shower (it will only start flushing again about 2-3 hours after someone gets out of the shower), or if it rains. Yeah, it sucks. I'm sorry, but I don't feel very comfortable at people looking at my blood or my poo, nor do I want to look at anyone else's.

▪ There is never any room in the freezer. Where am I going to put my frozen goods that I like to eat so much?

▪ The shower sucks. I hate the way the water comes out, I can't adjust the knob to my liking (like I can here), and the water only stays warm for about 10 minutes.

▪ Bugs, cobwebs, more bugs. My dad lives in the country, so I constantly have to deal with that when I'm there. Seeing huge spiders that look like tarantulas run across my room almost gives me a panic attack.

▪ Mice. At one point, I had a mouse using my bed as a toilet. Not something I care to deal with again, but I'm sure that wasn't the last time I'll have a little roommate.

That's a lot of stuff to give up/deal with. However, there are better things about living at my dad's too.

▪ Air conditioner in my room. So if I'm hot, I can turn it on to fit my comfort level. My mom likes to roast me in the Summer, but at my dad's, I wouldn't have to deal with that.

▪ Faster computer and internet. The computer here is so old, and it's held up good all these years, but it's still slow and freezes up sometimes. The internet here is pretty fast since we have DSL, but still not as fast at my dad's. The computer at my dad's is only a year old and has a lot more space on it. He also has cable internet, which is faster than what I have here.

▪ The computer at my dad's is in my room. I love that because it's right beside my bed, so I can turn the monitor to face my bed, and lay there and watch TV shows/movies online.

▪ I can enjoy the outdoors. Here at my mom's house, there is nothing but trashy people and whiny little kids outside. I can't even step outside the apartment without someone staring at me. I'll definitely like being able to go outside without people bothering me.

▪ I won't have to deal with someone constantly running their mouth at me for stupid things. Nor will I have to deal with anyone selling their stuff and taking mine. (aka my mom)